I know there are people out there that say never looking in a mirror is the best way to not care how you look, but we are not discussing “how to not care” we have established that we DO care and what we are going to do about it.
1. You gotta love your insides to really love your outsides. to love yourself you gotta be yourself. Lame advice, right? Well, there’s more to it. Think about what makes you, you. What do you like to do in your free time? What do you like learning about? What is your favorite color? Favorite food? Who is(are) your best friend(s)? What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen? These are the things that give you your opinions, that give you the topics you like to talk about, the stuff that make you interesting. Now, love yourself for them! These things will change, you will like and dislike a lot of stuff throughout you life and change opinions on topics and lose interest in different pass times and people, but that is all OK because that is still you. Never be ashamed for what you are into, and never change because people tell you to – only if it makes sense to you to change. That is what being yourself means.
2. Look at yourself and pin point what you like. Now look at what you don’t like. Why don’t you like those parts? Are they not on your standard of beauty? Where are you getting your standard from? If it it from any other place than yourself, change that right now. Now look at those parts again, coming from the perspective that YOU ARE the standard. allow yourself to look at your reflection and say, “I am my own standard. This is what I imagine to be beautiful!”
3. Realize that the way you dress and the way you present yourself have a huge impact on how you are perceived. Sure, you could slink around wearing baggy, undefined, nondescript clothes that make you look like an uninteresting sack of vegetables, but is that what you want? If it is, fabulous! You keep on doin’ you. If it is not, consider this. Clothes are like a billboard advertisement for the wearer, or like a cover to a book – you being the book. The way you present yourself is like a commercial – it says, “Hello! This is a taste of what I’m about.” Now what do you want to show you are about? I could – and probably will – do a whole post on this. Maybe even a video.
4. Speaking of broadcasting what you are about, the same goes for anything changeable that defines how you look. A tan and tan lines show off how much time you spend outside and what you are doing out there. If you have pale skin you probably don’y go out very much, or are very protective of your skin. The way you do your hair or put on make up reflects on types of priorities you have. If you are large by choice it can indicate that you enjoy your meals; same for if you are skinny you probably don’t prioritize gorging on delicious cake. Remember that all choices affect your health, which will reflect on your image too. Obviously, many people have no control over being naturally plump or petite, but that is discussed in the next 2 points.
5. The body features you have no control over are not worth worrying about. Imagine you had a secret plastic surgery on something you did not like about yourself – say, your nose. I personally have a beak nose (which I love, because it is my very own). Now you meet someone, get married, have a child together, and that kid has your OLD nose. It looks completely different than yours and your spouse’s. What would you say to your spouse and child? You might have to tell them what you had done, and see the insecurity planted in your kid’s mind that, this nose was so hideous that my parent had it changed. I am flawed. But when you see your child they are perfect, nose and all. Why couldn’t you see yourself that way too? What you had changed was a part of who your were down to your DNA. There is no need to fight what your heritage gave you. It will always be in your blood even if you change it. So why not embrace it? Own it! It is part of your package and the people naturally drawn to what you got will come around. And the people who are judging you for these things need to get a life. Just be like, “What? You don’t have anything better to do than worry about MY looks? That’s flattering, but sad.”
6. If you have a gland issue or a food allergy, controlling your size is difficult. It is a struggle that you might have to medically approach. But if you are not health affected by these things,embrace your body type! It is you, is beautiful, it is your normal. Some responses when someone tries to talk to you about your weight: “Don’t be jelly!” “It’s called VaVaVoom size, thank you.” “We all have our own normal… It would be silly to compare them.” “let’s get your own house in order before trying to organize mine.” “You don’t know me! YOu don’t know my life! YOU don’t know what I’ve been through!”
7. Stare at the mirror and smile. you know what is attractive to everybody, for every reason? Happiness. People will either be drawn to you for it or be jealous that you have it and they don’t, but that is their problem not yours. Uninhibited happiness automatically helps you be comfortable in a new situation, which makes you appear and truly be confident but at ease, which makes you approachable by new friends and potential employers and new mates.
I want to share with you where I am coming from with this advice.
I must have been one of the lucky ones, because as I was growing up whenever she saw a mirror or got dressed in the morning my Mother looked happy as could be. She is a confident breadwinner who can’t cook anything that doesn’t come in a box with instructions, but can organize anything from a room to an event like nobody’s business, and hadn’t shopped for new clothes more than 3 times while raising me. She was happy with her looks and her career and no one could bring her down because she decided that they couldn’t. My Dad cooks, and his organizational skills go only so far as rock and roll playlists. He always agrees with my Mother and cares so much about her it is tangible. He is also very stubborn and protective of me and old fashioned. He encouraged me to be myself and not to let anyone dampen my spirits.
Let me tell you, this duo raised one heck of a weirdo.
I drew all the time. A little artist wouldn’t you know. I also gave my classmates a hard time because I knew more about words and communicating than they did because when I was not drawing I was reading. I wore plain shirts because I refused to pay (more like let my parents pay) to be an advertisement. I had a picnic basket for a lunch box to feel like I was in a story and sometimes I wore ballerina slippers to school to feel dainty and on occasion I wore a cape. I tried out all my ideas at school like wearing large constructed pockets around my hips to hold my books when carrying them on my head gave me a headache. I had braces for 6 years and very plain long brown hair and I had very little boobs… You get the picture.
I was, unapologetically, myself. People made fun of me, a lot, I see now in retrospect, but it didn’t feel like a lot because I took it in stride. Every “you’re weird!” was met with, “thank you for noticing! I try.” Every “chicken legs” with “it’s dainty porcelain, don’t be foolish.” Once my friend came up to me, distraught and said, “Katrina! they were making fun of your hat! Their compliment was sarcastic!” I looked at her and said, “that’s ok! I’m glad it gave them joy, because I get the feeling they will never be as happy as I am.” and her response was, “I love you. you are amazing.”
With all this I still had friends and little boys crushing on me. I figure I must have been doing something right, so I am passing on what I suppose that was. If this doesn’t help, tell me why and I will do my best to fix it!