As a neuro-spicy individual, I have spent an inconceivable amount of time trying to figure out how I'm supposed to "be" - and I still don't get it.
As a literal child, I asked to buy a psychology text book at a garage sale to better understand my peers. I would cling to rules from grammar to dress code to schedules. I read and watched stories with more dedication than I had for eating and sleeping.
As a young adult I tried all the things. I went on wild adventures just to practice social skills and gain experiences.
I truly thought I was doing super duper great...
Until someone at work asked if I was a Virgo, and when I said yes, they said, "that makes a lot of sense."
So simple a conversation and yet I will never forget it.
If you don't know anything about astrology, Virgos are characterized by perfectionism, cold logic, and dutiful. Everything I was trying to not be, because most people don't usually warm up to those things.
I've given up since then. I've found most people to not be worth the effort to gain their affection. I have found great friends through my "Virgo" approach to the matter: finding individuals who are actively involved in things I also like, spending time with them on "dates", and extending friendship offers to those that click with me.
I do practice self-love, so the perfectionism has subsided. I do actively work on considering external illogical factors when socializing and making decisions (like other's feelings, for instance), so my relationships are a bit more diverse and prosperous than before. I do reflect on the end goals of my and other's duties, so I am able to release myself and others from the shame of not meeting the exact expectations set before us.
But make no mistake, it's a daily effort. The prescription drugs helped immensely also hehehe.... my brain chemistry has never been better! I'm worse and worse at masking though so things have been very interesting the last few years.
Sometimes it can be hard, feeling like an outcast simply for acting in a way that doesn't make sense to others. The wildest part is that normies absolutely need it to make sense or they cannot move past it. This turns into gossip, rumors, assumptions of ill intent, bullying, and confrontation.
There are lots of things I don't understand. If I worried like them about every little thing that does not compute in my brain... it stresses me out just trying to imagine it. I'd implode. I'd never get anything of value done. I'd go insane. There's nothing that is for everyone, and that applies to how other people live their lives. It doesn't have to make sense to outsiders looking in.
As so many wonderful people have said, including Craig of the Creek:
Mind ya business.
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